At last

Dear world,

at last, some words about my last day at school - ever. It was the final day of our 5 costume days at school. The slogan: ‘First school day’. So we brought a candy cone to school, some students really looked like their 6-year-old-selves and actually already this fact made the day special. Our lessons were very different: In some of them we didn’t even recognize that it’s the last time we’ll ever sit together like this. But especially in our German course, there was a bittersweet taste of goodbye. We remembered the last two years and watched videos of ourselves at the beginning of class 11. It was strange to see how we imagined the last two years to be back then and to know now how they really were. Because we finally made it. And even when the last and most important step still awaits us - I already feel like school ended and my life will never be the same. So it was good just to sit together with my mates and drink and talk about good and bad times and look forward to new times. 

At last, I can say that I already miss it. 

This song is without question the best way to start spring this year: It’s full of love and honesty and butterflies (right in the stomach). It goes perfectly along with the great weather, the blossoms and the fresh green - signs of spring that I can see wherever I go these days. All I can say is: Check out Christina Perri’s new album ‘Head Or Heart’ which is out now! 

"Das Leben ist ein Angebot, das man auch ablehnen kann."

Corpus Delicti - Juli Zeh

… So let’s all decide to accept life and live it. 

Complicated

Hey everyone,

I can see the ending. Time goes by so fast these days. I’d really wish to stop it and capture the moments but it just keeps going. 

Because the end is so near, pressure’s getting worse and sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind. More often, my head is full of sorrow consisting of stuff I have to learn and stuff I still have to do and think of. And my mood swings are crazy. Sometimes, I just feel stressed because of everyone and I feel like I’m only surrounded by people who can’t accept any compromise (and I can’t stand any further discussion with them) or who always just see the negatives sides in everything (and distract me from all positive ones). Days are getting more and more complicated and I really wish someone would care. On the one hand, I wish to tell them all I feel and I want them to ask me about what the hell is going on, on the other hand, if someone asks me: ‘How was your day?’, all I can say is ‘Fine.’, because I often don’t know where to start and I often think that after all, they don’t want to know anyway. 

I am aware of the fact that I go and make things more complicated than they really are. But I just feel lost in everything that’s coming and I can’t help myself. I’m sorry. 

After all what’s happening, of course I wouldn’t forget what always helped me to fight on: Music. That’s why I want to wish my favourite rocking guy out there (recently more angel than demon to me) a very happy birthday and I actually can’t wait to know what comes next out of your mouth. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHESTER!

Deadline

Guys,

Today was the first day in my life that I almost had to stop my car because I could no longer see the road through all my tears. 

Sometimes you have this freaking feeling that a day is going to end bad. Today was that kind of day when my feeling didn’t disappoint me. Instead, I was disappointed by a so-called friend of mine. Imagine you haven’t seen a person you used to talk to everyday for a while. And then you hear from that person again. Imagine, you are happy to meet this person and you expect the day to be full of memories of good old times. But then you’re a bit too late at the meeting place because of traffic - but just ten minutes too late and you hope that your friend doesn’t mind. When you arrive, you’re happy that your friend isn’t there yet. Imagine you ask yourself if he/she stucks in traffic too. Imagine how you begin to wait not knowing when he/she will arrive but for sure he/she will. Unfortunately, you don’t have a number to call, just a mail address. After some more mintues you begin to write messages to this address and to other friends who might have the number. Imagine time goes by while you’re still waiting in the cold. Imagine you now wait for almost one hour. And no one comes.

After all, I got the number and called. And because I was ten minutes too late, he/she already left. I began to ask myself if he/she was really there at all. I don’t think he/she was. So I went home - confused and lonely at the same time. I expected the day to be so special, because it was a special date for us. But now it’s nothing more than a day I absolutely want to forget. When someone has such a short deadline, then this person wasn’t interested in meeting at all. 

Unfortunately, it wasn’t the first time that a person I haven’t seen for so long bails on me. But it was probably the worst time. Now I really ask myself if it’s my fault - if I’m not meant to keep up with old friends, if it’s so easy to forget me? I am really afraid of losing the people that are close to me now. I really hope they turn out to be different and I turn out to try everything to don’t let this happen again.